Adoption: Waiting to Bring Our Child Home

As Tom Petty so eloquently stated, “The waiting is the hardest part.”

It’s been about a month since we first met Lady M.  It’s hard to even fathom our world 2 months ago before we knew anything about her.  We all agree that she’s part of the family.

Except for when she’s not.

Not that we ever DON’T want her to be in our family, but we’re straddling that gut-wrenching gray zone right now.  Lady M comes home, we have a great weekend, and then Dad has to make that dreaded 8 hour round trip drive to take her back to her group home.  Princess Milkface is hysterical about her new Sissy leaving, and I try to calm her down.

All the while, I’m mourning. Feeling a piece of me is missing.  Feeling oddly out of place in my own home.  Yet, somehow, this dull constant ache of an incomplete family is ringing familiar to me.

Mom Déjà Vu – Adoption and NICU Journey

Six years ago, Princess Milkface was born 8 weeks premature.  As a result, she spent the first month of her life in the NICU.  My eyes instantly fill up when I think back to the day I was discharged from the hospital without my baby.  There was a constant simultaneous feeling of loss and expectation.

Pumping in her empty nursery every 3 hours and calling the NICU every time just to check in on her.

Driving back and forth to the hospital.

Working to put all the finishing touches on her nursery that I couldn’t do when I was still pregnant and on bedrest.

Spending way too much time on Google looking up every potential condition, side effects, and long-term impact.

Spending way too much time on Amazon buying magical solutions to every problem…real and imagined.

Transitioning from an initial shock and awe at the foreignness of the NICU…to a sense of peace that there were experts caring for my daughter’s safety…to a growing level of resentment when those same experts would impose rules and limitations on our relationship that felt inauthentic.

Now we’re feeling that same sense of loss and expectation every week with Lady M.

Walking into her empty bedroom and hugging myself before I go to bed because I just want to feel close to her for a minute during the week (and then waking up with a smile because I hear her voice in my dreams).

Driving back and forth every weekend, first to visit her where she is, and then to bring her home for longer and longer visits.

Taking one of our weekends with her to paint her bedroom and get her new furniture set up, so she has a space that feels like her own.

Spending actually only a short time reading blogs and articles about adopting from foster care.  After the first couple, I recognized that they were causing more anxiety than answering questions, and decided that for this journey, we’re going to trust God and our instincts.

Spending way too much time looking for the perfect bedspreads and room decorations to order, try, and return (we might be ready to open our own Bed Bath and Beyond department soon).

And yes…transitioning from a similar shock and awe at the group home environment…to a sense of gratitude for these people who have been caring for my daughter for the past year, before I even knew her…to moments of resentment and frustration when it can be so challenging to even get to talk to her on the phone.

In Adoption, the Waiting is an Important Part of the Journey

And so we wait.  And we continue to enjoy our times together. And we’re discovering our new normal.

This week, that just so happens to be all five of us flying to New York together to visit family.  As I sit here typing on the airplane, I look across the aisle at my 3 kids, all crashed out from our 4 AM start to catch an early flight.

It takes my breath away when I see them together.  Several thoughts run through my head in wonderment.

They seem so normal.  Anyone who doesn’t know us would think we’re just a normal family (mwahahahahaha!!!)

Wow…those are MY kids.  How did we get here so fast?

Look at them…it’s like they belong together.

Yes.  Yes, they do.